Xmas Carol for Dieters (HUMOR)

*Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips*
*were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.*
*Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care*
*In hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.*

*While Mama in her my girdle and I in chin straps*
*Had just settled down to sugar-borne naps.*
*When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter*
*I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.*

*Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash*
*Tore open the icebox then threw up the sash.*
*The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow*
*Sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.*

*When what to my wandering eyes should appear:*
*A marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer!*
*That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick*
*I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick.*

*The sweet-coated santa, those sugared reindeer*
*I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear;*
*On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS*
*A Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox.*

*>From the top of the scales to the top of the hall*
*Now dash away pounds now dash away all.*
*Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress*
*My clothes were all bulging from too much excess.*

*My droll little mouth and my round little belly*
*They shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly.*
*I spoke not a word but went straight to my work*
*Ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk.*

*And laying a finger beside my heartburn*
*I gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned.*
*I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry*
*If temptation's removed I'll get thin by and by.*

*And I mumbled again as I turned for the night*
*In the morning I'll starve... 'til I take that first bite!*